Services for Others

Free and confidential assistance is available at VOICES and another area organization for the youngest survivors of domestic or sexual violence or abuse.

• Tyler’s Justice Center for Children:  Tyler’s Justice Center for Children, located in Stockton, serves as a central location for intake, investigation and follow-up for all sexual and/or serious physical child abuse survivors ages birth to 18 in Carroll, Jo Daviess and Stephenson counties. It is a children’s advocacy center. VOICES staff work with the Tyler’s team to provide counseling to survivors as needed. To contact Tyler’s Justice Center, call 815-947-6030.
• VOICES Counseling: Using art and play therapy plus conversations, our counselors meet with child survivors to help them express their feelings while promoting a safe and trusting environment, fostering healthy communications, focusing on regaining trust, breaking the cycle of violence and understanding the effects of trauma.

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, here are some ways to help.

DO:

• Make time for them when they are in a safe, calm situation when the abuser is not present.  Be sure to have an open schedule so the survivor can share their story if they choose.
• Start a conversation.  You can bring up the subject of domestic violence by saying “I’m worried about you because …” or “I’m concerned about your safety…”  Do not try to force the person to open up.
• Listen without judgment.  Do not offer advice or suggest solutions. The person likely will tell you exactly what they need.
• Offer specific support.  Help the survivor find support and resources.  Give them VOICES number, 815-235-9241, other social service organizations, attorneys, etc.   If the survivors asks you to do something specific and you are willing to help, do it.
• Call 911 if violence is actively occurring – even if it goes against the wishes of the victim.

DON’T:

• Criticize the abuser.  Focus on the actions, not the person.
• Blame the survivor.  The abuser already does that.
• Undervalue the potential danger for the victim and yourself.
• Promise help you cannot deliver.
• Give conditional support.
• Stress the victim.
• Aggravate the abuser.
• Make life more difficult for the survivor.
• Stop trying.  If the survivor isn’t willing to talk at first, be patient.

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, here are some ways to help.

DO:

• Thank them for telling you.  Acknowledge how difficult it can be for a survivor to share their experience with you.
• Tell the survivor the situation was not their fault.
• Ask how you can help. Offer supportive reassurance.
• Offer to change the locks if a person is in an unsafe situation.
• Listen without judgment.  Be present and give your undivided attention.  Focus on their feelings.
• Ask the survivor if they want to go to the hospital for a forensic exam if the assault or abuse was recent but do not force them to do so.
• Offer to drive them to the hospital if they wish to go.
• Keep supporting. Healing takes time.  Continue to be there emotionally for a survivor.  Resume activities you enjoyed with the person.  Recognize recovery will take time.

DON’T:

• Minimize the survivor’s experience.  Don’t say that what they’ve described doesn’t sound like sexual assault to you, or that it “isn’t that bad.”
• Challenge their assault.  Don’t ask if they’re absolutely sure it happened. This will likely make them feel that you do not believe them.
• Ask for details about what happened.
• Tell the survivor they should be “over it” by now. Healing knows no timeline.
• Insist the survivor do certain things – such as report to police, get a sexual assault forensic exam or disclose to others. It is fine to let someone know that these options exist and to ask them if they are interested in pursuing any of them, but you should never pressure a survivor or attempt to control their healing process.

Human trafficking exists throughout the world, even in our own area.  Victims include men, women and children of all ages who are lured by promises of a job, education, friendship or security of some kind.  Victims are then tricked and exploited for profit through forced labor or sexual acts.  Because of a lack of knowledge about human trafficking, victims may not be aware that they are being abused.  If you know or suspect someone is a human trafficking victim, follow these guidelines.

DO:

• Keep yourself safe.  Be aware that traffickers often watch individuals who are being trafficked or stay near them.  However, if the person is alone and you feel comfortable, approach the person safely at a time and place that is confidential.
• Convey concern for the victim’s safety and well-being, and validate any fears or feelings they may have.  Ask questions about their working and living conditions, if they have freedom to move, and access to their travel documents or identification.
• Tell the individual the abuse is not their fault.
• Provide support and empowerment.  Say good things about them.  Let them know you think they are smart, strong, and brave. Their abuser may be tearing down their self-esteem.
• Make mental notes about details in the situation: license plate, car make/model, clothes, identifying factors, visible tattoos, etc. Then report the incident to local law enforcement by calling 911 and to the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888.
• Believe the person.
• Respect their choices.
• Offer help.
• Be patient. Self-empowerment may take longer than you want. Move at their pace, not yours.
• Consider calling VOICES to learn more about the kinds of help available, to ask questions specific to the situation, and to learn how you can be an effective and supportive ally.

DON’T:

• Accuse, diagnose, or judge the individual’s choices; do not presume to know what they may be experiencing or feeling; and do not judge or criticize their abuser.
• Insist the individual leave the trafficker or abusive relationship. The victim may choose to stay for many reasons. The trafficker may have threatened to hurt them, their family, or their children if they try to leave. The abuser may control their finances and personal identification documents such as passport, driver’s license, Social Security card, and may have isolated the victim from friends and family, leaving them with few resources. The abuser may have promised payment and a better life.  It is never as simple as encouraging a victim to “just leave.”  However, communicate that help is available and people in their community care about them and their family and want them to be safe.
• Feel compelled to be an expert. Do not try to provide counseling or advice, but connect them to trained people who can help. VOICES staff are available at 815-235-9241 or the 24/7 crisis hotline at 815-235-1641. You can call also the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888.

If you know an older individual or an adult with a disability who is being abused, neglected or financially exploited, you can reach out to them in the following ways.

DO:

• Start a conversation in a safe and confidential place.   You can bring up the subject of abuse by saying “I’m worried about you because…” or “I’m concerned about your safety…”
• Believe what the victim says.
• Tell them uplifting things about themselves.  Relay that you believe they are smart and courageous.  Their abuser is likely damaging their self-esteem.
• Visit or call as often as possible.  The survivor is likely to experience isolation, which makes them more vulnerable to abuse.
• Listen without judgment and be patient.  Go at their pace.  The survivor may be abused by someone they love or trust such as a spouse, adult child, or caregiver.
• If you suspect a senior is being abused who lives in their own home, consider reporting the abuse by contacting VOICES at 815-235-9241 or the Senior Resource Center’s Adult Protective Services Program at 815-235-9777.
• Cases of abuse against residents of long-term care facilities or a home for individuals with developmental disabilities should be reported to the state of Illinois’ Long Term Care Ombudsman Program by calling 800-369-0895. 

DON’T:

• Accuse, diagnose or judge their choices; do not presume to know what they may be experiencing
• Criticize or judge the abuser.  Focus on the actions, not the person.
• Make life more difficult for the survivor.
• Insist the survivor sever ties with the person who is abusing them, such as their child or caregiver.  This person may be exerting considerable control over the victim and may have threatened them or isolated them from others.  It is never as simple as encouraging a victim to “just leave.”  However, communicate that help is available and people in their community care about them and want them to be safe.
• Feel compelled to be an expert.  Connect the survivor to trained individuals who can help.  VOICES or Senior Resource Center staff can assist.  Call VOICES at 815-235-9241 or the Senior Resource Center at 815-235-9777.

If you know someone who is an abuser or expressing abusive behavior, here is information to consider:

People who abuse others often carry feelings and attitudes of entitlement and privilege, and they seek to control others.  All these factors can be difficult to change.  An abuser must truly want to change and be committed to change for it to occur.  Abusers also must be willing to accept responsibility for their actions.  To begin the recovery process, abusers should enroll in a certified batterer intervention program.

Signs an abuser is willing to make changes:

• Listening to the issues and concerns their partner has without becoming defensive or minimizing/denying the concerns or shifting the blame to them.
• Admitting fully to what they have done.
• Stopping excuses and blaming.
• Making amends with those they have harmed.
• Recognizing that abuse is a choice and accepting responsibility for that choice.
• Identifying patterns of their own controlling behavior.
• Identifying the attitudes or trauma driving their behavior and working to address those areas.
• Accepting that change is a lifelong commitment process and not declaring themselves “cured”.
• Not expecting or demanding credit for progress in their behavior.
• Not treating improvements to their overall behavior as an excuse for occasional acts of abuse.
• Developing respectful, kind and supportive behaviors.
• Carrying their share of responsibility and sharing power.
• Changing how they respond to a partner’s anger or grievances.
• Altering their responses in heated conflicts.
• Accepting the consequences of their actions, including not feeling sorry for themself about those consequences or blaming others for them.
• Accepting if their partner chooses to discontinue the relationship or needs space from the relationship.

How to help an abuser:

• Learn about domestic violence so that you can recognize unhealthy or abusive behaviors.
• Do not support the abuser’s attempt to justify or minimize the severity of his or her behavior.
• If you feel safe doing so, suggest that the abuser consider seeking professional help to change their behavior.
• Remind them that change will create a healthier relationship for both partners.
• Stay in touch and support the abuser over the long term while they work to change their abusive behavior
• The abuser may be interested in the Partner Abuse Intervention Program (PAIP), operated by the state of Illinois Department of Human Services.  It provides counseling and other services such as group therapy and substance abuse treatment for people who control their partner with physical, emotional, sexual or financial abuse. For more information about the classes, please click here.